DINOSAUR BONE AT BEACON HILL PARK? 

By  Finkus Downbottomly

Reports of the discovery of a dinosaur bone in Beacon Hill Park appear questionable.  However, Sir Rodney Schnockdurgle, a noted archeologist insists that the matter is far from resolved.  Officials are discussing the advisability of closing the park to visitors despite the tripling of tourists to the area after news of the find was leaked to a local radio station.  Many of the business community of the city of Victoria openly support the widest possible dissemination of whatever bits of evidence reaches the surface.  The potential cash cow so near downtown may yet be the saving of the city’s rotting downtown core.

Beyond the barebones revelation, not a great deal can be corroborated as factual.  This reporter spoke to one of the diggers on condition of anonymity.  This worthy gentleman informed us that the find was approximately fifty meters from the surface in a solid rock formation.  He would not elaborate as to whether it was a bone or a tooth, nor would he speculate on the precise nature of the dinosaur.

Dr. Schnockdurgle is clearly impressed.  “I believe we have here a find of great significance.  Such a mysterious relic of the deep past of Vancouver Island is not something to be ignored by scoffers.  I am amazed and frankly angered at the skepticism of the scientific community at the university.  I would have thought . . .”   He was unable to finish his thought.  His broken sobs will haunt me till the day I die.

The mayor of Victoria was unavailable for comment at the time of this writing, but the mayor of Esquimault could not suppress his excitement.   “I am ecstatic.  I really am.”

Folks at the James Bay Beacon laughed their heads off, and now the paper is looking for new volunteers.  Must have a sense of humor.